One of my favorite lines in the movie Mission Impossible is when Ethan Hunt was given his next mission, and Ethan said it was going to be difficult, the mission commander said, "Mr. Hunt, this isn't mission difficult, it's mission impossible, difficult should be a walk in the park for you.I feel like being a good Father should be on Mission Impossible.
Think about retaining employment, matching the hours your peers work, making time to have a working relationship with your wife, competing with the TV and Sony Playstation for your children's time and admiration, being faithful to your wife when sex is so readily prevalent and advertised, and raising children in a society that is completely geared to guide them to destruction. Yes, I think it is that bad. Can't you just hear the theme music? Difficult, very, but this isn't Mission Difficult it is Mission Impossible and if Ethan Hunt can do it, so can we.
As a Father of two daughters, I believe that a large part of my mission is to get my daughters safely to their wedding day. At that point, some young man takes over meeting her every need, or at least he better, that is my plan, I doubt that it is his. Another thing that I believe is my daughter will eventually compare every boyfriend to me. My mission should I choose to accept it, is to make it as difficult for some little boy with turd for brains to get involved in her life. Difficult? No, make it impossible! Since she will be a tough to deal with, and a not listening teenager the only way to accomplish this is to set a subconscious high standard in her world now. How do you do this? Be the type of husband you want your daughter to marry. Is this going to be difficult? Very, but this isn't Mission Difficult, it's Mission Impossible and difficult is a walk in the park.
Between my neighbor and I we have four daughters and we have on occasion discussed that when it comes time for our daughters to date we would conveniently be together cleaning our guns, discussing our previous jail time, or being generally mean and intimidating. I remember one father telling me how me made his daughter's suitors leave $20 behind, it was returned when the young man returned the daughter home before curfew, if not, it cost him 20 bucks. I thought that was a creative idea but not sure I am comfortable with it.You might want to consider these rules for dating, see this link;
www.geocities.com/heartland/hills/3456/h_rulesdating.html
Or you could require an application to date your daughter, see this link;
www.wilk4.com/humor/humorp3.htm
Unfortunately I don't think that my wife will allow the rules or the application to be discussed with the potential boyfriend (aka Turd for Brains). I would guess my daughter won't like it either but she doesn't get an opinion on this matter. This leaves me with only on option left, to be on the date with them. Now get this, I am not as crazy as you all might think. I don't really mean physically be on the date, I mean subconsciously. What type of man do you want your daughter to marry? Answer that question and that is the type of husband you need to be, simple. If you want it ok in your daughter's mind for that potential boyfriend to be a drinker, this Bud's for you, a smoker, then by all means, be a Marlboro Man, a drug addict, then go ahead, blow the snow (I am not talking about your driveway). Those are mostly easy for the readers of this blog, but ask yourself these questions, do I want my daughter to be a maid? Then it is ok for you to not do house work, how about is it ok for your future son in law to yell at you daughter? If so, then you may yell at your wife. Is it going to be ok for your son in law to ignore your grandchildren? Congratulations, you don't need to engage in your children's life. I have a million of them, poor money manger, not physically fit, smoke; what you allow in yourself, your daughter will allow in her husband. Take this time to review how you treat your wife, if she were your daughter what would change? One thing for sure, you would. I know I have.
Because my plan to dive into my daughter's subconscious and set the high water mark for all these young men to meet is the only possible way to actually be on the date with her. Not only when she is a teenager but into her twenties, thirties or however long it may take. I may not even be alive, but I will be there watching his every move. The application and rules will be imprinted on my daughters mind and on her heart. And yes, there might be a time when she does date a turd for brains and it might take some time for her to flush him down, but eventually, she will know, not all turds rise to the top.
Good day Mr Hunt. Your mission, whether you accept it or not, involves making any potential suitor of your daughter's hand meet a very high standard of respect and love. You may select any two team members, but it is essential that the third member of your team be your wife. She is a civilian, and a highly capable professional Mother. You have eighteen years to accomplish this mission. As always, should any member of your team be caught or killed, the Secretary will disavow all knowledge of your actions. This message will self destruct in five seconds.
Be intentional, be engaged, be interactive, be a Red Fox Father.
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Saturday, May 2, 2009
Somebody's Watching Me
First let me say this about "Another Brick in the Wall", your wife is not secretly talking to me, I am not reading your mail, and I do not live in your attic. Of all the posts that I have done this one rates second behind "You Can't Handle the Truth" for comments, emails, and phone calls. If you feel like Brick was for you, it was, it was for me too. We are all building walls, just make sure that you spend some time tearing it down as well.
Now on to our regularly scheduled posts, enjoy-
When I first heard GEICO's new advertising campaign the business man came out in me. I couldn't help but think what a waste of money the new campaign was. The Gecko had such momentum, nationally known, all over billboards, I would guess they had little Gecko stuffed animals, key chains, coffee mugs, et al. Now, they have to change thousands of billboards, trinkets, production for radio, TV, print, etc. Yet, when they came out with a stack of money with eyeballs on it, it seemed to work, much to my amazement. I guess I conceded my original incorrect perception when an employee of mine came to work singing "Somebody's Watching Me" and then said, "that's just the money you could be saving with GEICO". When I heard this, I figured the new ad campaign was going to stick.
However, when I see the commercial with the music from Rockwell, Somebody's Watching Me, I can't help but think about when my kids were younger. Just in case you don't remember when your kids were young, every time you were dropping a deuce at home with small children, it seems like the children seek you out like a smart bomb heading towards a terrorist's bedroom window, they seek you out with laser like accuracy from 150 miles away, like a moth to a flame. The funny thing to me is it always seemed like the kids sense of smell was totally shot, but I digress.
Often when I am calling my son for a chore or to discipline I wonder if his sense of hearing is totally shot. Sometimes I think he is completely deaf, because he definitely has a unique ability to ignore me, so on several occasions I decided to check his hearing by saying something like, "cake" or "cookie" just to make sure that his hearing is okay, it is. My son had multiple ear infections as a baby so my concern for his hearing is genuine. My daughter though has the same situation going on. I can instruct her to her face while she is looking at me in the eyes and then ask her to repeat what I just said 5 seconds earlier and she has no idea.
Bottom line, I am worried about my children not listening to me.
One thing that I really found disturbing is when my daughter started snapping at people. It wasn't all the time but if her Mother or I felt like we needed to remind her of something she already knew, she would give an aggressive look and snap, "I KNOW THAT". My wife and I were confused, why does she do this? Where did she learn this from? Of course in my world, my children learn all of their bad behaviors from other children at school, never from home. So my wife and I coached her (see Life Coach), "honey, when somebody reminds you of something you already know, you don't have to answer so aggressively, just simply say, thank you for reminding me". Well the proverbial chicken came home to roost the other day when my wife, in an attempt to help, decided to remind me to take something with me on a trip. The first thing in my head, you guessed it, "I KNOW THAT", to my credit, I stopped the words just as my teeth were parting. A light of wisdom shone down on my head like when Moses parted the Red Sea, imagine angels singing in the background, indeed it was a miracle. Finally, I opted to use wisdom and I responded with, "thank you for reminding me". I was pleased with myself for not putting another brick in the wall, but it also was then I realized that my daughter picked up her little snappy attitude from me and not the heathens at her school. All this time she was just emulating me. I finally realized that I needed to be less worried about my children's inability to listen to me and concern myself more with what they see in me.
Red Fox Followers, I assure you, somebody is watching you, and it's not the money you could be saving with GEICO.
Click on the post title above and enjoy a little tune.
Be intentional, be engaged, be interactive, be a Red Fox Father.
Now on to our regularly scheduled posts, enjoy-
When I first heard GEICO's new advertising campaign the business man came out in me. I couldn't help but think what a waste of money the new campaign was. The Gecko had such momentum, nationally known, all over billboards, I would guess they had little Gecko stuffed animals, key chains, coffee mugs, et al. Now, they have to change thousands of billboards, trinkets, production for radio, TV, print, etc. Yet, when they came out with a stack of money with eyeballs on it, it seemed to work, much to my amazement. I guess I conceded my original incorrect perception when an employee of mine came to work singing "Somebody's Watching Me" and then said, "that's just the money you could be saving with GEICO". When I heard this, I figured the new ad campaign was going to stick.
However, when I see the commercial with the music from Rockwell, Somebody's Watching Me, I can't help but think about when my kids were younger. Just in case you don't remember when your kids were young, every time you were dropping a deuce at home with small children, it seems like the children seek you out like a smart bomb heading towards a terrorist's bedroom window, they seek you out with laser like accuracy from 150 miles away, like a moth to a flame. The funny thing to me is it always seemed like the kids sense of smell was totally shot, but I digress.
Often when I am calling my son for a chore or to discipline I wonder if his sense of hearing is totally shot. Sometimes I think he is completely deaf, because he definitely has a unique ability to ignore me, so on several occasions I decided to check his hearing by saying something like, "cake" or "cookie" just to make sure that his hearing is okay, it is. My son had multiple ear infections as a baby so my concern for his hearing is genuine. My daughter though has the same situation going on. I can instruct her to her face while she is looking at me in the eyes and then ask her to repeat what I just said 5 seconds earlier and she has no idea.
Bottom line, I am worried about my children not listening to me.
One thing that I really found disturbing is when my daughter started snapping at people. It wasn't all the time but if her Mother or I felt like we needed to remind her of something she already knew, she would give an aggressive look and snap, "I KNOW THAT". My wife and I were confused, why does she do this? Where did she learn this from? Of course in my world, my children learn all of their bad behaviors from other children at school, never from home. So my wife and I coached her (see Life Coach), "honey, when somebody reminds you of something you already know, you don't have to answer so aggressively, just simply say, thank you for reminding me". Well the proverbial chicken came home to roost the other day when my wife, in an attempt to help, decided to remind me to take something with me on a trip. The first thing in my head, you guessed it, "I KNOW THAT", to my credit, I stopped the words just as my teeth were parting. A light of wisdom shone down on my head like when Moses parted the Red Sea, imagine angels singing in the background, indeed it was a miracle. Finally, I opted to use wisdom and I responded with, "thank you for reminding me". I was pleased with myself for not putting another brick in the wall, but it also was then I realized that my daughter picked up her little snappy attitude from me and not the heathens at her school. All this time she was just emulating me. I finally realized that I needed to be less worried about my children's inability to listen to me and concern myself more with what they see in me.
Red Fox Followers, I assure you, somebody is watching you, and it's not the money you could be saving with GEICO.
Click on the post title above and enjoy a little tune.
Be intentional, be engaged, be interactive, be a Red Fox Father.
Thursday, April 23, 2009
All in All It's Just Another Brick in the Wall
August 13, 1961 marked the beginning of the Berlin Wall. This wall was erected to separate the communist government of East German from the democracy that was being created by the West Germans. The Berlin Wall was 87 miles long and in 1962 the East Germans moved 110 yards East of the Wall and built a parallel fence establishing a "no man's land" in between the two. West Germans that worked in East Germany had to find new jobs in West Germany and families found themselves totally split and visitation in the 60's was not allowed. The Wall separated everything and diplomacy was futile.
Sometimes, in my weird mind I think of a husband and a wife as two neighboring countries, bear with me here. I often think that I am building a wall in between my wife and I. Every time I hurt her, fail her expectations, disappoint her, or generally piss her off, she places a brick in the wall with a reasonable amount of concrete to ensure it's security and tenure. Not only do I not object to the newly placed brick, I engage in a fair amount of my own masonry, brick by brick the Marital Wall slowly gets built, both sides contributing.
I think the process goes a little something like this. When a couple meet they find they have a lot in common, and they are living in Camelot; sharing, caring, and eventually, marrying. Then, because neither is perfect and the expectations are overrated, and not clearly stated; each time one hurts the other or something goes not according to the plan, a brick is laid along the border. The Wall begins. For each hurt or disappointment another brick goes on the Wall. A couple of years a couple more bricks and neither party in interested in knocking their brick down (see The Heart of the Matter). The bottom bricks have now set in, concrete dry and the two parties that started our loving each other don't even notice the waist high wall that they are creating. A couple more years go by of not living an intentional marriage and the once euphoric couple are now having to raise their chins just to see each other over The Wall. Soon they are yelling across the wall on even the most tiny of things, and before you know it we have established a "no man's land", a communication barrier exists, neither party willing to make concessions or remove their brick, diplomacy is futile. The caring and sharing, gone, it is too difficult, too many bricks. Some couples are lucky enough to find a third country to assist in the diplomatic process, some turn to all out war and call up an army of lawyers to demonstrate shock and awe to the neighboring country, and the smart bombs are launched. The children leave the house and the marriage is over.
Does anybody else find it funny how we can treat a stranger with more kindness than our spouse? Not funny at all, but consider, no bricks, no walls...yet. The biggest problem is when something relatively tiny happens involving your neighboring country and all you see is the other bricks (past hurts and disappointments) and now you are angry, bitter even. It wasn't the little thing at all, it was the little thing compounded by having to communicate it over the Marital Wall. After children enter the picture the bricks get bigger because the decisions become more important, now instead of where are we going to eat we have to decide how are we going to discipline and raise our children. Money matters and in laws are also large bricks, the Wall construction gains momentum.
Before you go trying to knock down the existing bricks, just stop bricklaying. Lay off the workers, you know who/what they are. Don't feel like you have to make a huge announcement at a press conference either, just simply stop laying bricks. If you make an announcement you have just set yet another expectation in the other countries eyes that you will surely not be able to meet, just stop laying bricks, quietly. What is so important that you have to lay a brick anyway? Make some concessions, if the West Germans want you to lower the toilet seat, stop fighting, lower the toilet seat, it is one less brick in the wall. The wall takes a lot longer to build if only one country is contributing the bricks and since you can't control the other sides brick production the best thing is not respond to their bricks with bricks of your own, be bigger than the problem. Some of the best advice that I think that I have ever given was at my brother's wedding and I was the best man. I don't recall everything that I said, I am sure it was wonderful, however, I do remember saying something like "the key to a good marriage is not just knowing all the right things to say, but, more importantly, knowing when to say nothing at all". No comment, no brick, save it for more important negotiations. Also don't feel like you need to comment on every stupid thing your spouse does, chances are they already know that it was stupid and the chances are even higher you do your share of stupid things too. If you do find yourself with a chin high brick wall try treating your neighboring country a little more like a stranger for a while until the brick factory slows down a bit, we are generally nice to strangers, it might even loosen the mortar a bit.
Brick busting is very difficult but remember the Berlin Wall was knocked down in November of 1989, almost 30 years later. It wasn't east to get there and it didn't happen overnight. Don't try to knock down the entire wall with a dozen roses or a couple nights in Vegas, that stuff only works on TV, give it some time. To begin the process try apologizing. Although she laid some of the bricks you have the responsibility for creating them, heck you might have even mixed the mortar. Come on, be honest, you know what you have done and although the generic, "I am a man and I am sorry" seems to bust a couple of bricks try pointing at some specific bricks and knocking them out. Even if you are right at times it is just the way to tried to convey your point that made a brick. You know what you have done, and yes, you are guilty too, and you know when you were guilty, I know this because women have a unique ability of telling us when we screw up. Again, be bigger than the problem, you are the man.
I also think that it is important to not feel like I need to convince my spouse that my points or argument is right or what I am saying accurate all the time. I need to allow her to be able to disagree, eventually the truth or correct direction reveals itself with enough time.
Just consider that God did not put your wife in your life so you can fix her, HE put her in your life so HE can fix you.
Remember, don't sweat the small stuff because all in all, it's just another brick in the wall.
Be intentional, be engaged, be interactive, be a Red Fox Husband.
Sometimes, in my weird mind I think of a husband and a wife as two neighboring countries, bear with me here. I often think that I am building a wall in between my wife and I. Every time I hurt her, fail her expectations, disappoint her, or generally piss her off, she places a brick in the wall with a reasonable amount of concrete to ensure it's security and tenure. Not only do I not object to the newly placed brick, I engage in a fair amount of my own masonry, brick by brick the Marital Wall slowly gets built, both sides contributing.
I think the process goes a little something like this. When a couple meet they find they have a lot in common, and they are living in Camelot; sharing, caring, and eventually, marrying. Then, because neither is perfect and the expectations are overrated, and not clearly stated; each time one hurts the other or something goes not according to the plan, a brick is laid along the border. The Wall begins. For each hurt or disappointment another brick goes on the Wall. A couple of years a couple more bricks and neither party in interested in knocking their brick down (see The Heart of the Matter). The bottom bricks have now set in, concrete dry and the two parties that started our loving each other don't even notice the waist high wall that they are creating. A couple more years go by of not living an intentional marriage and the once euphoric couple are now having to raise their chins just to see each other over The Wall. Soon they are yelling across the wall on even the most tiny of things, and before you know it we have established a "no man's land", a communication barrier exists, neither party willing to make concessions or remove their brick, diplomacy is futile. The caring and sharing, gone, it is too difficult, too many bricks. Some couples are lucky enough to find a third country to assist in the diplomatic process, some turn to all out war and call up an army of lawyers to demonstrate shock and awe to the neighboring country, and the smart bombs are launched. The children leave the house and the marriage is over.
Does anybody else find it funny how we can treat a stranger with more kindness than our spouse? Not funny at all, but consider, no bricks, no walls...yet. The biggest problem is when something relatively tiny happens involving your neighboring country and all you see is the other bricks (past hurts and disappointments) and now you are angry, bitter even. It wasn't the little thing at all, it was the little thing compounded by having to communicate it over the Marital Wall. After children enter the picture the bricks get bigger because the decisions become more important, now instead of where are we going to eat we have to decide how are we going to discipline and raise our children. Money matters and in laws are also large bricks, the Wall construction gains momentum.
Before you go trying to knock down the existing bricks, just stop bricklaying. Lay off the workers, you know who/what they are. Don't feel like you have to make a huge announcement at a press conference either, just simply stop laying bricks. If you make an announcement you have just set yet another expectation in the other countries eyes that you will surely not be able to meet, just stop laying bricks, quietly. What is so important that you have to lay a brick anyway? Make some concessions, if the West Germans want you to lower the toilet seat, stop fighting, lower the toilet seat, it is one less brick in the wall. The wall takes a lot longer to build if only one country is contributing the bricks and since you can't control the other sides brick production the best thing is not respond to their bricks with bricks of your own, be bigger than the problem. Some of the best advice that I think that I have ever given was at my brother's wedding and I was the best man. I don't recall everything that I said, I am sure it was wonderful, however, I do remember saying something like "the key to a good marriage is not just knowing all the right things to say, but, more importantly, knowing when to say nothing at all". No comment, no brick, save it for more important negotiations. Also don't feel like you need to comment on every stupid thing your spouse does, chances are they already know that it was stupid and the chances are even higher you do your share of stupid things too. If you do find yourself with a chin high brick wall try treating your neighboring country a little more like a stranger for a while until the brick factory slows down a bit, we are generally nice to strangers, it might even loosen the mortar a bit.
Brick busting is very difficult but remember the Berlin Wall was knocked down in November of 1989, almost 30 years later. It wasn't east to get there and it didn't happen overnight. Don't try to knock down the entire wall with a dozen roses or a couple nights in Vegas, that stuff only works on TV, give it some time. To begin the process try apologizing. Although she laid some of the bricks you have the responsibility for creating them, heck you might have even mixed the mortar. Come on, be honest, you know what you have done and although the generic, "I am a man and I am sorry" seems to bust a couple of bricks try pointing at some specific bricks and knocking them out. Even if you are right at times it is just the way to tried to convey your point that made a brick. You know what you have done, and yes, you are guilty too, and you know when you were guilty, I know this because women have a unique ability of telling us when we screw up. Again, be bigger than the problem, you are the man.
I also think that it is important to not feel like I need to convince my spouse that my points or argument is right or what I am saying accurate all the time. I need to allow her to be able to disagree, eventually the truth or correct direction reveals itself with enough time.
Just consider that God did not put your wife in your life so you can fix her, HE put her in your life so HE can fix you.
Remember, don't sweat the small stuff because all in all, it's just another brick in the wall.
Be intentional, be engaged, be interactive, be a Red Fox Husband.
Sunday, March 22, 2009
Fifteen Minutes of Fame
Billy Rae Cyrus from Achey Braky Heart comes to mind, John Marr Karr, confessed to killing JonBenet Ramsey, that was his 15 minutes, James Frey, author of A Million Little Pieces, had his; Oprah not amused. My personal list goes on, remember Steve Bartman, the Cubs fan that interfered with a foul ball in the World Series dashing the Cubs hopes, Monica Lewinsky, ugh, to reach back even further, Joey Buttafuoco, and John Bobbit.
You might have been lucky enough to not have had your 15 minutes yet, but for me I remember what I call my fifteen minutes of fame. I think that I blew it, completely wasted. I was about 12 years old and my church group drove up from Tallahassee, Florida to Atlanta to watch a Braves game in Fulton County Stadium. It was a beautiful summer day and the Braves were getting killed. I remember the stadium was packed that day and I was bored so I single handily started the wave. It went around 8 times, the Braves rallied and ended up winning the game. Ok, the last part, pure embellishment but it really jazzes the story up a bit. Nonetheless, that day I led 50,000 people to happiness, all eyes were on me, it was my 15 minutes of fame. Unfortunately, I later realized that I wasted my 15 minutes on a baseball game starting the wave. Had I known that I only had 15 minutes, I assure you that day, I would have opted for higher quality 15 minutes.
I once worked with a man that sat the bench for 5 NBA basketball games, remembered it like it was yesterday. He recanted how he was called up, warmed up with the “pros” (he was one at that point), and then watched 5 games from the bench, but never played…15 minutes. I also worked with a man that was drafted by the New England Patriots in 1984. He caught 11 passes in the NFL and spent a year or two injured, never returned. He knew each catch in detail. You should have seen his face when I asked him about it…15 minutes.
Not long ago my kids were at the end of my last nerve and tickling it feverishly. It wasn’t anything big that they were doing, it was more like a mosquito constantly buzzing around me. Not bad until you consider that mosquitoes are annoying little beasts, many of them bloodsuckers, also carry diseases like malaria, Lyme disease, hepatitis and all sorts of other problems, it was kind of like that, little mosquitoes. I know what you are thinking, “not from the Red Fox Father”, I hear ya, the whole be intentional, engaged, and interactive thing but hey, we are all human and I didn’t want to be engaged at this point, I needed some time.
Anyway, the kids were bothering me and I needed a break so I took a time out and totally rationalized it by comparing my dad techniques to all the people that I know that work too much and don’t spend quality time with their kids, it didn’t work. You see I have a little problem, I created this blog that makes me always attempt to think of things in a different way. So I did. I figure that my kids will live with me for 22 years (maybe) and I will live to be 85 years old (maybe) this is 25% of my life…about 15 minutes out of an hour. This is all you get, 2 innings of a baseball game, 6 outs. Heck, you are not even sure that you will get up to bat in 2 innings and if you are batting a respectable 300, chances are if you do get an at bat, you won’t get on base. Fifteen minutes that is all we have to build confidence, give life instruction, demonstrate wisdom, don‘t blow it starting the wave at a baseball game, don't waste it, 15 minutes, opt for a high quality 15 minutes.
Anybody can be great for 15 minutes, just ask Billy Rae, go be a great Dad, it only takes 15 minutes.
Be intentional, be engaged, be interactive, be a Red Fox Father.
You might have been lucky enough to not have had your 15 minutes yet, but for me I remember what I call my fifteen minutes of fame. I think that I blew it, completely wasted. I was about 12 years old and my church group drove up from Tallahassee, Florida to Atlanta to watch a Braves game in Fulton County Stadium. It was a beautiful summer day and the Braves were getting killed. I remember the stadium was packed that day and I was bored so I single handily started the wave. It went around 8 times, the Braves rallied and ended up winning the game. Ok, the last part, pure embellishment but it really jazzes the story up a bit. Nonetheless, that day I led 50,000 people to happiness, all eyes were on me, it was my 15 minutes of fame. Unfortunately, I later realized that I wasted my 15 minutes on a baseball game starting the wave. Had I known that I only had 15 minutes, I assure you that day, I would have opted for higher quality 15 minutes.
I once worked with a man that sat the bench for 5 NBA basketball games, remembered it like it was yesterday. He recanted how he was called up, warmed up with the “pros” (he was one at that point), and then watched 5 games from the bench, but never played…15 minutes. I also worked with a man that was drafted by the New England Patriots in 1984. He caught 11 passes in the NFL and spent a year or two injured, never returned. He knew each catch in detail. You should have seen his face when I asked him about it…15 minutes.
Not long ago my kids were at the end of my last nerve and tickling it feverishly. It wasn’t anything big that they were doing, it was more like a mosquito constantly buzzing around me. Not bad until you consider that mosquitoes are annoying little beasts, many of them bloodsuckers, also carry diseases like malaria, Lyme disease, hepatitis and all sorts of other problems, it was kind of like that, little mosquitoes. I know what you are thinking, “not from the Red Fox Father”, I hear ya, the whole be intentional, engaged, and interactive thing but hey, we are all human and I didn’t want to be engaged at this point, I needed some time.
Anyway, the kids were bothering me and I needed a break so I took a time out and totally rationalized it by comparing my dad techniques to all the people that I know that work too much and don’t spend quality time with their kids, it didn’t work. You see I have a little problem, I created this blog that makes me always attempt to think of things in a different way. So I did. I figure that my kids will live with me for 22 years (maybe) and I will live to be 85 years old (maybe) this is 25% of my life…about 15 minutes out of an hour. This is all you get, 2 innings of a baseball game, 6 outs. Heck, you are not even sure that you will get up to bat in 2 innings and if you are batting a respectable 300, chances are if you do get an at bat, you won’t get on base. Fifteen minutes that is all we have to build confidence, give life instruction, demonstrate wisdom, don‘t blow it starting the wave at a baseball game, don't waste it, 15 minutes, opt for a high quality 15 minutes.
Anybody can be great for 15 minutes, just ask Billy Rae, go be a great Dad, it only takes 15 minutes.
Be intentional, be engaged, be interactive, be a Red Fox Father.
Monday, March 9, 2009
YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH
Prior to reading please watch this video.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8hGvQtumNAY
I was talking to a friend of mine the other day and he was telling me how God is to blame for a bad thing that happened in his life. I tried to relay that sometimes things just happen, people make bad decisions, and that life is tough, God is not always to blame. I got nowhere so I decided to concede that God is truly to blame, if he would concede that God is all powerful and all knowing.
With his permission I would like to tell you his story. My friends name is Alan. Alan is about my age, early forties, late thirties, he is married with two children, a daughter 6, and a son who is 4. His beautiful wife was pregnant with their third child when this story takes place. By all measures you would consider Alan successful. He has a good career whereby not only does he make a good living, he also has been promoted to place of prominence, he has over 600 employees in his employ.
Early on a cool November morning Alan was having to face a decision. His wife was struggling with the pregnancy and had to be hospitalized. The Doctor had said that when Alan's wife was going to be released, she would be bedridden for at least 6 months. Alan had a decision, quit his career and stay home to take care of his wife and kids or hire a nanny. Well surely all of us would agree, the best course of action would be to simply hire a nanny and not quit what it took Alan 15 years to create, a great career. So Alan went about his due diligence, interviews, references, background checks, drug tests, you know the usual when hiring for such an important role as nanny. Alan found the perfect fit, responsible, mature, and experienced nanny, and back to work Alan went knowing everything at home was taken care of.
Then it happened; the worse. The nanny was driving the kids to school one day when a truck t-boned the mini van. The van flipped numerous times and settled in the median, bent metal, broken glass, bodies strewn. Alan's life flipped over too. The daughter didn't survive the accident, dead at the age of 6, the 4 year old son, he wouldn’t being playing baseball that night, or ever again, paralyzed from the neck down. A couple months later the third baby was born but it wasn't the same. Alan harbored bitterness to the baby because he felt as if his wife hadn't been sick because of the pregnancy none of this would have happened. Oh yeah, Alan's wife, she just couldn't handle it, through it all she had to be committed to protect herself, from herself. This is when I get a call from Alan, "why God, why", he says, "Why didn't God intervene, where was he?"
Where was He indeed?
Consider this alternate story if you will.
With his permission I would like to tell you the story of a friend of mine named Alan. Alan is about my age, early forties, late thirties, he is married with two children, a daughter 6, and a son who is 4. His beautiful wife was pregnant with their third child when this story takes place. By all measures you would consider Alan successful. He has a good career whereby not only does he make a good living, he also has been promoted to place of prominence whereby he has over 600 employees in his employ.
Early on a cool November morning Alan was having to face a decision. His wife was struggling with the pregnancy and had to be hospitalized. The Doctor had said that when Alan's wife was going to be released, she would be bedridden for at least 6 months. Alan had a decision, quit his career and stay home to take care of his wife and kids or hire a nanny. Well surely all of us would agree, the best course of action would be to simply hire a nanny, or would it?
But then it happened, the worse, Alan was laid off from his career, devastating. The economy was the worse Alan had ever seen it in his lifetime and his particular industry was going belly up. This is when I get a call from Alan, "why God, why", he says, "Why didn't God intervene, where was he?"
Where was He indeed?
Alan never hired the nanny, the car accident never happened, the daughter did not die, the boy, still playing baseball, and his wife is fine, but Alan didn’t know what didn’t happen, he never knew what “would be”, he only knows what he thinks “should be“.
Alan, like us, was apparently too focused on what “should be” and all powerful, all knowing God knows what “would be”. Alan should have been able to keep his career, but God knew there was more at stake. I would presume that what “would be” is not ever dependent on what we think “should be“, and since God is all powerful, all knowing maybe, just maybe God did intervene when Alan got laid off, because the “would be” was far more worse than what is.
With apologies to A Few Good Men and God, imagine God, played by Jack Nicholson, Alan, the attorney play by Tom Cruise.
Alan : Did you order the lay off?
God: I did what I had to do
Alan: Did you order the lay off?
God: Alan, you want answers.
Alan: I think I am entitled.
God: You want answers!
Alan: I want the truth!
God: You can’t handle the truth! Son we live in a world where we have walls and those walls have to be guarded, I have a greater responsibility than you can possibly fathom, you weep for your job loss and you direct anger and blame at me, you have that luxury, you have the luxury of not knowing what I know, that your job loss while tragic, saved you a much greater loss. My action while incomprehensible to you saves you a great pain. You don’t want the truth because if I revealed how close you were to greater loss, you would live your life, paralyzed by fear forever. Son, you want me on that wall, you need me on that wall and I have neither the time nor inclination to explain myself to a man that rises and sleeps under the very blanket of free will and salvation that I provide and then questions the manner in which I provide it, I would rather you just say thank you and went on your way.
Alan: Did you order the lay off?
God : Your absolutely right I did.
Come on, be honest, a lot of us blame God for something, we all do, after all, he is all knowing all powerful. But maybe, just maybe, the bad thing that you blame God for, is the very thing He did or allowed to happen to you to save you from what He knows “would be”. Just because we think something should be doesn’t mean it would be and should we possibly change the blame we have for God and simply say “thank-you” and go on about our way?
Could it be that when things seem to be farthest from what we believe should be, is when God is most involved preventing the devastation that would be?
Be intentional, be engaged, be interactive, be a Red Fox Father.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8hGvQtumNAY
I was talking to a friend of mine the other day and he was telling me how God is to blame for a bad thing that happened in his life. I tried to relay that sometimes things just happen, people make bad decisions, and that life is tough, God is not always to blame. I got nowhere so I decided to concede that God is truly to blame, if he would concede that God is all powerful and all knowing.
With his permission I would like to tell you his story. My friends name is Alan. Alan is about my age, early forties, late thirties, he is married with two children, a daughter 6, and a son who is 4. His beautiful wife was pregnant with their third child when this story takes place. By all measures you would consider Alan successful. He has a good career whereby not only does he make a good living, he also has been promoted to place of prominence, he has over 600 employees in his employ.
Early on a cool November morning Alan was having to face a decision. His wife was struggling with the pregnancy and had to be hospitalized. The Doctor had said that when Alan's wife was going to be released, she would be bedridden for at least 6 months. Alan had a decision, quit his career and stay home to take care of his wife and kids or hire a nanny. Well surely all of us would agree, the best course of action would be to simply hire a nanny and not quit what it took Alan 15 years to create, a great career. So Alan went about his due diligence, interviews, references, background checks, drug tests, you know the usual when hiring for such an important role as nanny. Alan found the perfect fit, responsible, mature, and experienced nanny, and back to work Alan went knowing everything at home was taken care of.
Then it happened; the worse. The nanny was driving the kids to school one day when a truck t-boned the mini van. The van flipped numerous times and settled in the median, bent metal, broken glass, bodies strewn. Alan's life flipped over too. The daughter didn't survive the accident, dead at the age of 6, the 4 year old son, he wouldn’t being playing baseball that night, or ever again, paralyzed from the neck down. A couple months later the third baby was born but it wasn't the same. Alan harbored bitterness to the baby because he felt as if his wife hadn't been sick because of the pregnancy none of this would have happened. Oh yeah, Alan's wife, she just couldn't handle it, through it all she had to be committed to protect herself, from herself. This is when I get a call from Alan, "why God, why", he says, "Why didn't God intervene, where was he?"
Where was He indeed?
Consider this alternate story if you will.
With his permission I would like to tell you the story of a friend of mine named Alan. Alan is about my age, early forties, late thirties, he is married with two children, a daughter 6, and a son who is 4. His beautiful wife was pregnant with their third child when this story takes place. By all measures you would consider Alan successful. He has a good career whereby not only does he make a good living, he also has been promoted to place of prominence whereby he has over 600 employees in his employ.
Early on a cool November morning Alan was having to face a decision. His wife was struggling with the pregnancy and had to be hospitalized. The Doctor had said that when Alan's wife was going to be released, she would be bedridden for at least 6 months. Alan had a decision, quit his career and stay home to take care of his wife and kids or hire a nanny. Well surely all of us would agree, the best course of action would be to simply hire a nanny, or would it?
But then it happened, the worse, Alan was laid off from his career, devastating. The economy was the worse Alan had ever seen it in his lifetime and his particular industry was going belly up. This is when I get a call from Alan, "why God, why", he says, "Why didn't God intervene, where was he?"
Where was He indeed?
Alan never hired the nanny, the car accident never happened, the daughter did not die, the boy, still playing baseball, and his wife is fine, but Alan didn’t know what didn’t happen, he never knew what “would be”, he only knows what he thinks “should be“.
Alan, like us, was apparently too focused on what “should be” and all powerful, all knowing God knows what “would be”. Alan should have been able to keep his career, but God knew there was more at stake. I would presume that what “would be” is not ever dependent on what we think “should be“, and since God is all powerful, all knowing maybe, just maybe God did intervene when Alan got laid off, because the “would be” was far more worse than what is.
With apologies to A Few Good Men and God, imagine God, played by Jack Nicholson, Alan, the attorney play by Tom Cruise.
Alan : Did you order the lay off?
God: I did what I had to do
Alan: Did you order the lay off?
God: Alan, you want answers.
Alan: I think I am entitled.
God: You want answers!
Alan: I want the truth!
God: You can’t handle the truth! Son we live in a world where we have walls and those walls have to be guarded, I have a greater responsibility than you can possibly fathom, you weep for your job loss and you direct anger and blame at me, you have that luxury, you have the luxury of not knowing what I know, that your job loss while tragic, saved you a much greater loss. My action while incomprehensible to you saves you a great pain. You don’t want the truth because if I revealed how close you were to greater loss, you would live your life, paralyzed by fear forever. Son, you want me on that wall, you need me on that wall and I have neither the time nor inclination to explain myself to a man that rises and sleeps under the very blanket of free will and salvation that I provide and then questions the manner in which I provide it, I would rather you just say thank you and went on your way.
Alan: Did you order the lay off?
God : Your absolutely right I did.
Come on, be honest, a lot of us blame God for something, we all do, after all, he is all knowing all powerful. But maybe, just maybe, the bad thing that you blame God for, is the very thing He did or allowed to happen to you to save you from what He knows “would be”. Just because we think something should be doesn’t mean it would be and should we possibly change the blame we have for God and simply say “thank-you” and go on about our way?
Could it be that when things seem to be farthest from what we believe should be, is when God is most involved preventing the devastation that would be?
Be intentional, be engaged, be interactive, be a Red Fox Father.
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
TICKETMASTER
I remember a job whereby we got free tickets to just about every event brought to the Atlanta area. This was the year I attended numerous plays including Phantom, Rent (no good), Stomp, and Tap Dogs. We also got to go to the MLB All-star Game, the Home Run Derby, and yes the Superbowl and World Series. Among these things, I also got to go to countless MLB baseball games, NFL games, monster truck shows, the circus, and other events. There was nothing quite as nice as the owner of the business giving me a stack of tickets and allowing me to distribute them as I saw fit. Even though I signed every paycheck at that particular business, when I got those tickets I was more important. I was in fact the Ticketmaster, because there is nothing quite as nice as a free ticket. Heck, the President of the United States didn’t hold as much power as I had back then. Like most good things, they come to an end…until I had children.
I had a friend ask me the other day how I was teaching my 6 year old daughter about money. My answer, I wasn’t. Not only was I not, I had not even considered it. She would beg for stuff in a store and I would say “yea” or “nay”. I never thought to use her greed to actually teach her something, the whole concept fascinates me. Over the next couple of days, I noticed when my daughter asked for toys, dining out, entertainment, etc, I decided my friend was right, it was time to teach her about money. It was then I realized that my wife could use the same education, if you know what I mean, and I think you do. Of course the allowance was the first discussion that we embarked on, not for the wife, for the children, and I have to tell you, I am not real excited about giving money away for just living. This reminds me too much of welfare and my hope is my children one day understand that people will “reap what they sow”. Now I know, that doesn’t really apply anymore in today’s society, but at least I can make it apply in my home. Nonetheless, since the whole welfare for children thing doesn’t excite me, my wife came up with the following solution.
The Ticketmaster. She created a system whereby the children can earn tickets (pictured on the right), the power just makes me shiver all over again. Each Sunday each child gets 10 tickets for the week. Behavior above the call of duty can earn tickets and poor behavior requires a ticket to be paid back. Then on the next Sunday we cash out each ticket for 25 cents and issue another 10 tickets. A couple of rules exist; the children are not allowed to ask for a ticket, this can actually cost them a ticket, and at the end of each week a portion of their earnings must be saved and a portion given away. This is our own personal beliefs, feel free to modify as to suit you. At the end of each week the children can do whatever they want with the leftover money. The good part about this is my wife and I don’t feel guilty at this point about the junk they buy. On a side note, the first week my daughter gave me her money back as she knows I am currently unemployed, I think it is working.
The whole goal for Ticketmaster is to teach our children that doing good is standard, being great earns, and acting poorly costs. I will tell you when things are getting out of hand, I just mention revoking a ticket and a warm blanket of calm obedience ensues. I have also noticed that when a child goes over the top with considerate good behavior the ticket is a powerful tool. Instant reward, instant punishment, I really think that whoever invented the spanking needs to take a look at this, apparently greed is substantially more powerful than pain, knowing myself, I should have known this already. A word of caution, it took my children a good week and a half before they completely understood the concept and I think the rewards of money management have not yet been attained but I can see the wheels spinning. I saw my daughter stand in Target and actually begin to look at the prices and the cost versus benefit concept, I wish the wife would do this. It is fun when a 6 year old has to weigh a Hannah Montana toy versus Polly Pockets, oh the quandary. Bottom line, I can highly recommend Ticketmaster to teach children how the world used to work, when a hard days work was the criteria for earning. Also, an excellent tool to begin understanding saving, giving, and spending wisely. Who knows, maybe I will start charging a ticket handling fee! Anyway I genuinely feel like I am making progress with the children on the whole money earning/management concept…now the wife.
Be intentional, be engaged, be interactive, be a Red Fox Father.
PS if anybody has an idea to teach children how the real world works, you know, being at the right place at the right time or knowing the right people; let me know.
I had a friend ask me the other day how I was teaching my 6 year old daughter about money. My answer, I wasn’t. Not only was I not, I had not even considered it. She would beg for stuff in a store and I would say “yea” or “nay”. I never thought to use her greed to actually teach her something, the whole concept fascinates me. Over the next couple of days, I noticed when my daughter asked for toys, dining out, entertainment, etc, I decided my friend was right, it was time to teach her about money. It was then I realized that my wife could use the same education, if you know what I mean, and I think you do. Of course the allowance was the first discussion that we embarked on, not for the wife, for the children, and I have to tell you, I am not real excited about giving money away for just living. This reminds me too much of welfare and my hope is my children one day understand that people will “reap what they sow”. Now I know, that doesn’t really apply anymore in today’s society, but at least I can make it apply in my home. Nonetheless, since the whole welfare for children thing doesn’t excite me, my wife came up with the following solution.
The Ticketmaster. She created a system whereby the children can earn tickets (pictured on the right), the power just makes me shiver all over again. Each Sunday each child gets 10 tickets for the week. Behavior above the call of duty can earn tickets and poor behavior requires a ticket to be paid back. Then on the next Sunday we cash out each ticket for 25 cents and issue another 10 tickets. A couple of rules exist; the children are not allowed to ask for a ticket, this can actually cost them a ticket, and at the end of each week a portion of their earnings must be saved and a portion given away. This is our own personal beliefs, feel free to modify as to suit you. At the end of each week the children can do whatever they want with the leftover money. The good part about this is my wife and I don’t feel guilty at this point about the junk they buy. On a side note, the first week my daughter gave me her money back as she knows I am currently unemployed, I think it is working.
The whole goal for Ticketmaster is to teach our children that doing good is standard, being great earns, and acting poorly costs. I will tell you when things are getting out of hand, I just mention revoking a ticket and a warm blanket of calm obedience ensues. I have also noticed that when a child goes over the top with considerate good behavior the ticket is a powerful tool. Instant reward, instant punishment, I really think that whoever invented the spanking needs to take a look at this, apparently greed is substantially more powerful than pain, knowing myself, I should have known this already. A word of caution, it took my children a good week and a half before they completely understood the concept and I think the rewards of money management have not yet been attained but I can see the wheels spinning. I saw my daughter stand in Target and actually begin to look at the prices and the cost versus benefit concept, I wish the wife would do this. It is fun when a 6 year old has to weigh a Hannah Montana toy versus Polly Pockets, oh the quandary. Bottom line, I can highly recommend Ticketmaster to teach children how the world used to work, when a hard days work was the criteria for earning. Also, an excellent tool to begin understanding saving, giving, and spending wisely. Who knows, maybe I will start charging a ticket handling fee! Anyway I genuinely feel like I am making progress with the children on the whole money earning/management concept…now the wife.
Be intentional, be engaged, be interactive, be a Red Fox Father.
PS if anybody has an idea to teach children how the real world works, you know, being at the right place at the right time or knowing the right people; let me know.
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
LIFE COACH
As many of you know, I am currently "in between jobs", that is a nice way of putting it, unemployed is more descriptive. I tried on "retired" for a while but when I used that term people just thought that I was super successful and I didn't want to lead people horribly astray. Whatever you call it, I spend a great deal of time at home and it doesn't pay very well.So, that being said, I have taken up a new career and I am extremely excited about it, I am a Life Coach.
I currently have two clients and I have a third very interested, I believe in June they will sign on. In order to prepare for my new career I have done extensive amount of research on Life Coaching and I have to tell you the payoff is going to be substantial. Although I think the best part is my clients are great people and are equally excited about the opportunity. Both of them are fairly successful at their stage of life and my goal is to merely supplement their current success. All three of them are very good at what they do, but still have untapped potential.For those of you that don't know, Life Coaching is the process of teaching people a certain set of skills or direct them in obtaining certain goals. I think my personal goal for my clients follows the US Marine motto; I want my clients to "Be All You Can Be". I honestly believe that helping my clients obtain their full potential will be the most rewarding part of the entire job, although I am looking forward to that, my intention is to also bask in the process of getting there. This is a trip whereby getting there is going to be as good as the arrival.The funny thing about my "new" venture is that it is not really been that new. I have been Life Coaching for about 6 years, I was just too busy to realize it. I was too busy providing for my family, but what the heck was I providing? Sure I was providing food, shelter, and massive amounts of toys, but I think that I was not providing the necessities; principles, responsibility, and a massive amounts of wisdom.
Although I should keep my clients identity confidential by now you most likely know who they are, my soon to be 6 year old daughter, my 4 year old son, and the baby that is being born in June, I am a Life Coach, I bet you are too. What services are you providing your clients? Just food, shelter, and a massive amount of toys or do you get down to the necessities? I think that my job description as Father I allowed to be defined by modern society, to provide stuff, so I am redefining my job description, Life Coach.
Your job doesn't end at 5 PM, it begins; and the payoff is going to be substantial.
Be intentional, be engaged, be interactive, be a Red Fox Father.
I currently have two clients and I have a third very interested, I believe in June they will sign on. In order to prepare for my new career I have done extensive amount of research on Life Coaching and I have to tell you the payoff is going to be substantial. Although I think the best part is my clients are great people and are equally excited about the opportunity. Both of them are fairly successful at their stage of life and my goal is to merely supplement their current success. All three of them are very good at what they do, but still have untapped potential.For those of you that don't know, Life Coaching is the process of teaching people a certain set of skills or direct them in obtaining certain goals. I think my personal goal for my clients follows the US Marine motto; I want my clients to "Be All You Can Be". I honestly believe that helping my clients obtain their full potential will be the most rewarding part of the entire job, although I am looking forward to that, my intention is to also bask in the process of getting there. This is a trip whereby getting there is going to be as good as the arrival.The funny thing about my "new" venture is that it is not really been that new. I have been Life Coaching for about 6 years, I was just too busy to realize it. I was too busy providing for my family, but what the heck was I providing? Sure I was providing food, shelter, and massive amounts of toys, but I think that I was not providing the necessities; principles, responsibility, and a massive amounts of wisdom.
Although I should keep my clients identity confidential by now you most likely know who they are, my soon to be 6 year old daughter, my 4 year old son, and the baby that is being born in June, I am a Life Coach, I bet you are too. What services are you providing your clients? Just food, shelter, and a massive amount of toys or do you get down to the necessities? I think that my job description as Father I allowed to be defined by modern society, to provide stuff, so I am redefining my job description, Life Coach.
Your job doesn't end at 5 PM, it begins; and the payoff is going to be substantial.
Be intentional, be engaged, be interactive, be a Red Fox Father.
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