As many of you know, I am currently "in between jobs", that is a nice way of putting it, unemployed is more descriptive. I tried on "retired" for a while but when I used that term people just thought that I was super successful and I didn't want to lead people horribly astray. Whatever you call it, I spend a great deal of time at home and it doesn't pay very well.So, that being said, I have taken up a new career and I am extremely excited about it, I am a Life Coach.
I currently have two clients and I have a third very interested, I believe in June they will sign on. In order to prepare for my new career I have done extensive amount of research on Life Coaching and I have to tell you the payoff is going to be substantial. Although I think the best part is my clients are great people and are equally excited about the opportunity. Both of them are fairly successful at their stage of life and my goal is to merely supplement their current success. All three of them are very good at what they do, but still have untapped potential.For those of you that don't know, Life Coaching is the process of teaching people a certain set of skills or direct them in obtaining certain goals. I think my personal goal for my clients follows the US Marine motto; I want my clients to "Be All You Can Be". I honestly believe that helping my clients obtain their full potential will be the most rewarding part of the entire job, although I am looking forward to that, my intention is to also bask in the process of getting there. This is a trip whereby getting there is going to be as good as the arrival.The funny thing about my "new" venture is that it is not really been that new. I have been Life Coaching for about 6 years, I was just too busy to realize it. I was too busy providing for my family, but what the heck was I providing? Sure I was providing food, shelter, and massive amounts of toys, but I think that I was not providing the necessities; principles, responsibility, and a massive amounts of wisdom.
Although I should keep my clients identity confidential by now you most likely know who they are, my soon to be 6 year old daughter, my 4 year old son, and the baby that is being born in June, I am a Life Coach, I bet you are too. What services are you providing your clients? Just food, shelter, and a massive amount of toys or do you get down to the necessities? I think that my job description as Father I allowed to be defined by modern society, to provide stuff, so I am redefining my job description, Life Coach.
Your job doesn't end at 5 PM, it begins; and the payoff is going to be substantial.
Be intentional, be engaged, be interactive, be a Red Fox Father.
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Sunday, February 8, 2009
THE HEART OF THE MATTER
I have heard many a man say, “the kids are great, the marriage, not so much”, “don’t get me wrong, I love my kids, I just wish I never got married”, or the kicker “when the youngest is 18, I am getting a divorce“. These are all sad statements because when you consider that you will only have the kids in the house for roughly 18 years, and your intention when you got married was, “til death do us part”, it seems that the shorter, less important of the two relationships are the ones that are working significantly better. Take this in consideration, I am 40, if I live to be as old as my Grandfather I have 45 more years to live. My daughter is 6, most likely she is out of the house in 12 years. Bottom line 45 more years with the wife, 12 more years with the daughter, yet I am more proactive in the relationship with the daughter. So I have to ask, why the difference? Why are the kids great and not the marriage?
Consider this scenario for example. Last night I was failing in an attempt to give my son a bath. Imagine a movie scene where a guy is climbing a mountainside and hanging only by his hands, the camera then shows a close up of his hands, slowly getting weaker, gravity taking it’s toll, grip slipping away, that was me last night; I was losing it. Thankfully my wife intercepted the pass and excused me from the activity so I could get a chance to regain my strength, I was in ‘time out’, shortly after that I found myself in regret for losing my temper at my son. I then had the need to make things right. Was I right? Yes, he needed to obey, listen, wash up, and get out of the tub, but nonetheless, I was the one feeling regret for my behavior.
Now today I got into an argument with my wife. The topic doesn’t really matter, pick one, sex, money, disciplining the kids, toilet seat up, toilet paper on wrong, didn’t use a coaster, wore my shoes in the house, sex/money again. I am sure one of these struck a nerve with you. Yet even though there might be a very small possibility that I was on the wrong side of the argument I don’t even feel the slightest inclination of guilt for my behavior, nor did anybody intercept the pass, odd isn’t it.
Plain and simple, when it comes to the kids you (I) exercise great amounts of patience and forgiveness, with the wife, not so much. Additionally, when the kids irritate you it is expected, they are kids, they don’t really know any better, but when it is your spouse they are supposed to meet every expectation, every need, and read your mind, they should know better, they are adults. Your expectations are rated differently, not just higher but different. Sure you should have higher standards for an adult but when they are not met be cautions of your reaction, intercept your own pass before you say something stupid, put yourself in time out.
If all of us were completely honest with each other we would all admit that there have been times with our children that we wish that we did not have kids but you will very rarely hear a Father say, “the marriage is awesome, I just wish we didn’t have kids”. Now I consider myself to be a decent dad, and I will admit that I have had to ask myself at times, “why did I have kids”. The single exception is this feeling doesn’t stick, forgiveness is the Teflon of relationships. Now I know what you are thinking, “that’s not it at all, but consider this. What happens when kids become teenagers? I believe they start realizing that you make mistakes yet they don’t know how to forgive, nor do parents ask for it. Additionally, kids make mistakes and the grace with which they lived under as young children slowly dissipates as they mature.
Couple of my recommendations, (I am not a professional); I think the most important thing in marriage, know when to absolutely Shut Up and walk away, live to fight another day. My wife and I have been arguing (I like to call it “fully involved“) and each of us at one time or another has said something stupid. Now I have a policy when I feel that coming up in myself to just request that we discuss this later, she does this better than I, “David, I can’t talk about it right now”, translation, I am about to verbally kill you if not physically, let me cool off before I opt for both. A time out has been called. Unless she is about to drive over a cliff and you want her to turn right then, consider that most things do not need to be solved right then and there. Also, is whatever you are arguing about worth risking the next 45 years of marital bliss? Get out of the moment, a week from now does decision even matter, a month, a year, a decade? Some do, but most don’t. Finally, exercise the amount of patience and forgiveness that you have with your children, with your wife. Have you ever been fully involved and thought about, what if I was speaking to my adult child, what would I say differently, how would I act?
Try to remember the words of Don Henley;
I've been tryin' to get down; to the heart of the matter; but my will gets weak; and my thoughts seem to scatter; but I think it's about forgiveness; forgiveness; even if, even if you don't love me anymore.
Consider this scenario for example. Last night I was failing in an attempt to give my son a bath. Imagine a movie scene where a guy is climbing a mountainside and hanging only by his hands, the camera then shows a close up of his hands, slowly getting weaker, gravity taking it’s toll, grip slipping away, that was me last night; I was losing it. Thankfully my wife intercepted the pass and excused me from the activity so I could get a chance to regain my strength, I was in ‘time out’, shortly after that I found myself in regret for losing my temper at my son. I then had the need to make things right. Was I right? Yes, he needed to obey, listen, wash up, and get out of the tub, but nonetheless, I was the one feeling regret for my behavior.
Now today I got into an argument with my wife. The topic doesn’t really matter, pick one, sex, money, disciplining the kids, toilet seat up, toilet paper on wrong, didn’t use a coaster, wore my shoes in the house, sex/money again. I am sure one of these struck a nerve with you. Yet even though there might be a very small possibility that I was on the wrong side of the argument I don’t even feel the slightest inclination of guilt for my behavior, nor did anybody intercept the pass, odd isn’t it.
Plain and simple, when it comes to the kids you (I) exercise great amounts of patience and forgiveness, with the wife, not so much. Additionally, when the kids irritate you it is expected, they are kids, they don’t really know any better, but when it is your spouse they are supposed to meet every expectation, every need, and read your mind, they should know better, they are adults. Your expectations are rated differently, not just higher but different. Sure you should have higher standards for an adult but when they are not met be cautions of your reaction, intercept your own pass before you say something stupid, put yourself in time out.
If all of us were completely honest with each other we would all admit that there have been times with our children that we wish that we did not have kids but you will very rarely hear a Father say, “the marriage is awesome, I just wish we didn’t have kids”. Now I consider myself to be a decent dad, and I will admit that I have had to ask myself at times, “why did I have kids”. The single exception is this feeling doesn’t stick, forgiveness is the Teflon of relationships. Now I know what you are thinking, “that’s not it at all, but consider this. What happens when kids become teenagers? I believe they start realizing that you make mistakes yet they don’t know how to forgive, nor do parents ask for it. Additionally, kids make mistakes and the grace with which they lived under as young children slowly dissipates as they mature.
Couple of my recommendations, (I am not a professional); I think the most important thing in marriage, know when to absolutely Shut Up and walk away, live to fight another day. My wife and I have been arguing (I like to call it “fully involved“) and each of us at one time or another has said something stupid. Now I have a policy when I feel that coming up in myself to just request that we discuss this later, she does this better than I, “David, I can’t talk about it right now”, translation, I am about to verbally kill you if not physically, let me cool off before I opt for both. A time out has been called. Unless she is about to drive over a cliff and you want her to turn right then, consider that most things do not need to be solved right then and there. Also, is whatever you are arguing about worth risking the next 45 years of marital bliss? Get out of the moment, a week from now does decision even matter, a month, a year, a decade? Some do, but most don’t. Finally, exercise the amount of patience and forgiveness that you have with your children, with your wife. Have you ever been fully involved and thought about, what if I was speaking to my adult child, what would I say differently, how would I act?
Try to remember the words of Don Henley;
I've been tryin' to get down; to the heart of the matter; but my will gets weak; and my thoughts seem to scatter; but I think it's about forgiveness; forgiveness; even if, even if you don't love me anymore.
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